Dad turned seventy this week. As Lara said in the joke she found, what goes up but never down? Your age.
We marked the occasion with a dinner at a nice Italian restaurant with all of us except my nephew, who celebrated with mum, dad and uncle Roger the night before, on his birthday, with a family dinner at Maggie, Peter and Oli’s house; and Duncan and Becky, who sang Happy Birthday with us over the birthday cake back at Maggie and Peter’s house after the dinner.
I think milestones are important: they give us an opportunity to reflect on where we have come from and to acknowledge those who have been significant in our lives. Sometimes it takes a long time to have the perspective that time can provide.
With my perspective, I would say that dad has worked hard across his life so far, and he and mum set that example for all of us. A sense of humour and following his example of being a cross country runner in school were also strong influences in my life; as well as an interest in languages and the different cultures that they can be a window into; and my persistent with learning instruments, because he paid for my lessons for many years. All of these things are important to me and have helped me through challenging times.
Dad is a baby boomer, and was lucky to have the advantages that came with that for someone establishing themselves in the white middle class: an education, a secure job, living in a peaceful country, and good health. His life unfolded as many do, with jobs, promotions, a house extension, a growing family, and increasing travel.
Life can be unpredictable through, and when Marcus became unwell with what was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenia when he was twenty, Dad’s life shifted into a different gear. He became Marcus’s greatest supporter and advocate, largely single-handedly responsible for working out that a routine and work was just as important for Marcus’s wellbeing as medical treatment, and he did what needed to be done to get this for him, including being one of the first people to get supports for a person with a mental illness when he told the disability office that he would wait in the waiting room for as long as it took for the supports to be provided. His loud advocacy worked then, and on many other occasions.
Marcus has been on a long and hard journey since then, but he has built a successful, meaningful life to a large extent because dad has travelled that road with him, pushing the system when it needed to be pushed, helping him to live independently with different supportive housemates over the years but involving him in whatever is going on, and ensuring that he has paid work and experiences what I remember Julia Gillard calling ‘the dignity of work.’
Dad is also supportive and present for mum, especially for her health issues which unfortunately have been chronic for some time.
It is hard for me not to draw from this a template for a meaningful life. It is routine and work, social engagement with a range of people, helping others, peppered with things to look forward to, like holidays and treats.
Dad is living this life still, and I think Marcus appreciates his support: he asked me most weeks over the last two months what would be happening for dad’s birthday, whether I had a card and what presents I would buy him. For us, dad takes the girls to their music lesson once a week and also helps motivate the girls in their studies with bribes for good marks. He also regularly takes our garden prunings to the green waste, always appreciated too.
This milestone birthday gives me pause to reflect on how lucky I’ve been to have the start in life that my parents gave me, and the ongoing support they still provide. And also to acknowledge the extraordinary care dad continues to give Marcus, day after day.
