Rhea and Lara have ticked off some milestones this year: they were weaned at 32 months; they are completely toilet trained (just the odd accident during the day); they felt OK with being dropped at school (i.e. no more distraught crying or barnacle/limpet impressions) two weeks before the end of the year; they can dress themselves; and they made their first friend. I have also passed some milestones: transitioning myself back in to work; turning 40; and being a local aunt again. . .
It’s been a big year. You might like to eavesdrop on some of the special moments with me:
Rhea: ‘Can I have a cannellini bean hat?’ [i.e. beanie]
Lara: ‘Mum what oo’ dinking ’bout to ‘ordoof?’ [Mum what you thinking about to yourself?]
Rhea: ‘Hang on a minute. . . I just about. . . ‘
Lara (to Rhea): ‘How about we dop iceteams. How about I tate a bite of ors an’ oo’ tate a bite of mine? ‘ [How about we swap ice-creams. How about I take a bite of yours and you take a bite of mine?’]
Rhea: ‘I’ll doe first and oo’ bollow.’ [I’ll go first and you follow.]
Lara: ‘Is that a see-saw marjory dore?’
Rhea: ‘I was wondering. . . ‘
Lara: ‘Piss off Mozart!’ (Mozart is Marcus’s dog)
Rhea: ‘Oh butt!’
Lara: ‘Damn! Oh Dod!’
Rhea: ‘Dat b[l]asted pam.’
Lara: ‘De baby is tying betoz her muzzer has don out. Her Fazer is ooting’ apter her. Her muzzer will be bat soon.’ [The baby is crying because her mother has gone out. Her father is looking after her. Her mother will be back soon.]
Rhea: ‘Can oo’ sing ‘how much is dat potty in de ‘indo? Can oo’ sing ‘how much is dat ittle’ tiny potty in de ‘indo?’ [Can you sing ‘how much is that potty in the window? Can you sing ‘how much is that little tiny potty in the window?]
Lara: Potties don’t have tails!’
Rhea: ‘We made it!’
Me: ‘Who do you want to get you out of bed?’
Rhea: ‘Dad. I ‘ove dad.’
Lara: ‘ . . . eizer.’ [. . . Either.]
Rhea, one morning when we were all sleeping in: ‘Why do we lie in bed for hours?’
Lara: ‘Daddy said I’m a tutz.’ [klutz.]
Rhea: ‘I’m having pwoblems wiv. . . ‘ [I’m having problems with. . . ]
Lara, to me, after weeks of IVF-related blood tests: ‘Why do you not have a bandaid on?’
Rhea: ‘I’ve done a gate [great] job’ (climbing up the slide).
Lara: ‘I’ve dot [got] de p[l]ates and everyting. Here you go.’
Rhea: ‘. . . uzzerwise. . . ‘
Lara: ‘I can’t open de buttons betoz [because] my hands are too small.’
Rhea: ”Et’s doe bor it!’ [Let’s go for it!]
Lara, to Rhea, to get her bib off her: ‘Can oo’ stand up for a moment? Can oo’ stand still?’
Rhea, to Steve at the dinner table: ‘Have oo’ dot or’ bizzy ‘ine?’ [Have you got your fizzy wine?]
Lara: ‘I have no idea how dis doze.’ [I have no idea how this goes.]
Lara: ‘Eeah tan I bowwo dat id’ betoz mum ‘ost de uzzer ‘un.’ [Rhea can I borrow that lid because mum lost the other one.]
Rhea: ‘If it doesn’t bit tan oo div it bat?’ [If it doesn’t fit can you give it back?]
Lara: It doesn’t bit.’ [It doesn’t fit.]
Rhea: ‘I dedided. . . ‘ [I decided. . . ]
Lara: (to Rhea) ‘Why was oo’ tying [crying] before?’
Rhea: ‘Betoz I onted mummy.’ [Because I wanted mummy.]
Lara: ‘But I was ‘ooting apter you. I dave oo’ my baby. Why did oo’ doe her away?’ [But I was looking after you. I gave you my baby. Why did you throw her away?]
Rhea: Picks up the doll and throws her away again.
Lara: ‘Daddy ‘ites ‘ (l)attés.’ [Daddy likes lattés.]
Rhea: ‘Titty titty!’ [Quickly, quickly!]
Lara: ‘I haben’t . . . bor ages and ages. . . ‘ [I haven’t. . . for ages and ages. . . ‘]
Rhea: ‘Dat’s amazing!’ [That’s amazing!]
Lara: ‘Tan oo’ buy me a bown baby so I tan beed her ‘if my moot? And a ‘ellow baby? And a boo and deen baby bom de dops?’ [Can you buy me a brown baby so I can feed her with my milk? And a yellow baby? And a blue and green baby from the shops?]
Rhea: ‘Tan you show me how you turn de fire off sometime?’
Lara: ‘Tan you teep an eye on. . . ‘ [Can you keep an eye on. . . ]
Rhea, in a deserted newsagency, singing loudly to the serious couple who work there: ‘osie has a ‘ed’ skirt it’s berry bid an ‘umpy. But it bits our osie betoz she’s azzer dumpy. . . ‘ [Rosie has a red skirt it’s very big and lumpy. But it fits our Rosie because she’s rather dumpy. . . ]
Lara: ‘Eeah I ast you to put your head down bee times.’ [Rhea I asked you to put your head down three times.]
Lara: (in the pram) ‘Where will I dit [sit]?’
Rhea: ‘Under here.’
Lara: I won’t bit [fit].’
Rhea: ‘Actually. . . ‘ ‘Do you mind if I. . . ‘
Lara: ‘I’m tating baby bor a ‘alt. She ‘ites dat. If I don’t tate her den she’ll ‘ty. Den I’ll div’ her a boo ‘olly and a deen ‘olly bor doing a ‘ee.’ [I’m taking baby for a walk. She likes that. If I don’t take her then she’ll cry. Then I’ll give her a blue lolly and a green lolly for doing a wee.]
Rhea: ‘Don’t wowwy it’ll turn up.’
Lara: (after giving something to Rhea unprompted) ‘Tan I have a ‘olly bor being so kind?’ [Can I have a lolly for being so kind?]
Rhea: ‘I’m pitty hundy. . . [I’m pretty hungry. . . ]
Lara: (to Rhea, as they sit outside putting gravel in their bowls): ‘I’m doing all de ‘ort [work] and you’re not doing any. None.’
Rhea: ‘Dere are all sorts of tings in here.’ [There are all sorts of things in here.]
Lara: ‘I’ll get it. Tumming ‘ight up!’ [I’ll get it. Coming right up!]
Rhea: ‘Im didding a hole’ (in her milo). ‘I’ll did it until dad wates up.’ [I’m digging a hole. I’ll dig it until dad wakes up.]
Lara: ‘At eweven o’tot.’ [At eleven o’clock.]
Rhea: ‘My tummy’s bull [full]. It hurts.’
Lara: ‘I’m not talking about dat [that]!’
Rhea, after I had explained that our neighbour puts her car in her garage to keep it dry if it rains: ‘She should put her house in dere.’
Lara, after being at the petting zoo: ‘You tan’t pat byes but you tan pat uzzer animals. Byes don’t hurt you.’ [You can’t pat flies but you can pat other animals. Flies don’t hurt you.]
Rhea: (camping) ‘I dopped my daussage in de dirt. Den I ‘(w)iped it on my top.’ [I dropped my sausage in the dirt. Then I wiped it on my top.]
Lara: ‘Mum I ‘ant to be a baby adain [again]. Betoz I ‘(w)ant to be a baby.’
Rhea: ”Isten Awa. ‘isten to me.’ [Listen Lara. Listen to me.]
Lara: (about a bee): ‘It’s moving. Dat means it’s alive.’
Rhea: ‘Is dat daddy’s old poor p(l)ant?’
Lara: ‘Where do ‘ittle girls tum fwom?’ (I said babies grow into little girls and that babies grow in their mummies’ tummies). ‘Who puts dem dere? Where do babies tum out?’ [Where do little girls come from? Who puts them there? Where do babies come out?]
Rhea: ‘What’s a nose bor [for]?
Lara: ‘What shape is sand? What shape is ‘ater [water]?’ ‘What are t[r]ains made of?
Rhea: (after I told her that I once ate fly) ‘Was it tasty?’
Lara: ‘Oo’ve dot a bingernail on ‘or binger. Eye? [You’ve got a fingernail on your finger. Why?]
Me: ‘What’s that song?’
Lara: It’s bom paydool [from playschool]. My teacher sings it but I don’t sing.’
Me: ‘Why not?’
Lara: ‘Betoz I tink to mydoof ‘Hmm. I don’t tink I will ding. But uzzers in de dass do.’ [Because I think to myself ‘Hmm. I don’t think I will sing.’ But others in the class do.]
Lara: I bordot not to ‘ty at paydool.’ [I forgot not to cry at playschool.]
Me: ‘If you’re sad at playschool Rhea will be there.’
Lara: ‘I’m sad bor [for] you mummy.’
Rhea: ‘Where are my ditters? I teep sleeping doo de night and I don’t det any ditters!’ [Where are my stickers? I keep sleeping through the night and I don’t get any stickers!]
Lara: (re a puzzle) ‘I tan’t bidder it out.’ [I can’t figure it out.] ‘Unfortunately. . . ‘
Rhea: ‘It’s eewie beautibul!’ [It’s really beautiful!]
Lara: (while pretending to breastfeed): ‘I’m beeding ‘Eeah some moot. De udder one is bor my moose.’ [I’m (breast)feeding Rhea some milk. The other one is for my moose.]
Me, to Steve: ‘You can’t just buy them anything they point at when you go shopping.’
Steve: ‘I don’t.’
Me: ‘What’s that?’
Steve: ‘Something they pointed at.’
Lara: ‘Tan you put my zip down it’s tittiling my net.’ [Can you put my zip down it’s tickling my neck.]
Rhea, on being told we were going to Anglesea: ‘Ummy I ‘ove Andledea!’
Lara: ‘I’m happy wiv dat.’
Rhea: ‘I would say. . . ‘
Lara, after dropping Steve’s open beer bottle on the carpet while I was in another room: ‘Let’s not tell mum.’
Rhea: ‘I’m a silly billy!’
Lara: ‘I miss you when I’m at paydool [playschool].’
Rhea: ‘It’s a shame. . . ‘
Lara, to Rhea: ‘You have to ‘[l]earn how to share.’
Rhea: Tan [Can] you pop me on de toilet?
Lara: ‘Dis ice team has a pimple on de top. Pwobably de pimple is bor decoration.’ [This ice-cream has a pimple on the top. Probably the pimple is for decoration.]
Rhea, on a long car journey: ‘I tan see pids [pigs] all over de p[l]ace.’ (???)
Lara: ‘Eeah here are your bends. Dey were ‘tying’ (giving Rhea an armful of stuffed toys after joining us in bed in the morning). [Rhea here are your friends. They were crying.]
Rhea and Lara, hugging each other and staggering around the house, laughing.
Lara and Rhea, in bed together, cuddling and giggling.
Happy Kifas. May you have adventures big and small in 2014.
