I’ve been back at work now for eight months already. I’m working three days a week, so now during the course of a week the girls are cared for by a variety of people.
On Mondays and Tuesdays I look after them. No more dreading Monday mornings: we go to Playgroup. The interaction with other little kids is good for the girls (mostly – see Playground Blues) and there are heaps of toys there. The structured activity, contained play area and supportive environment also make it easier for me. Monday afternoons we play at home and I often take them for a run on a nearby oval – we don’t have grass in our garden or much space. Sometimes we have other mums and their babies over, or they come on Tuesday. I know a lot of people with little ones too. Sometimes we Skype cousin Oli and aunty Maggie. We sing songs and chat. The girls are quite comfortable with talking to someone through a computer who is actually thousands of kilometres away.
On Tuesday afternoons I take the girls to a gallery. Since they have been walking it has become harder to manage them both in public – they won’t sit in the pram for long periods – so recently a friend, Helen, has come with us. It’s the perfect arrangement: she doesn’t mind sitting in the car with me while they sleep, she doesn’t mind which gallery we go to, she takes charge of one and I take the other and we have a lovely coffee and cake at the end. We love our Tuesdays too.
On Wednesday and Thursday mornings mum arrives. I have left for work by then, but I know how mum adores them and they love her. ‘Who’s coming to look after you today? Grandma and Di!’
I always get big smiles.
Di is the girls’ godmother. She gave herself the role, really. She is a family friend and was one of the first to meet the girls after they were born. She visited us at home soon after, then offered to help mum look after them when I went back to piano lessons every fortnight while I was still on leave from paid work. I remember mum telling me when they were a few months old that she had asked Di what she thought of the girls.
-‘I think they’re absolutely beautiful.’
That was it. I think Di was hooked. A visit once every fortnight became godmother duties two mornings a week.
Mum has the girls to herself for an hour or so before Di comes and she dresses them and whips away their first nappies for the day. Since the girls have been walking, they have walked down the street with Di and mum to the old swing that sits on a neighbour’s nature strip and they clamber up to the seats that face each other like a see-saw. The neighbour is pleased that the swing is being used. The girls love the walk and the swing at the end: Steve or I have not been able to take the girls to a playground alone since they have been walking because we can’t manage them both on our own in such an environment. And mum and Di delight in the wonder of two very small children exploring the things that adults don’t notice: a small, squeaky gate leading to an alluring garden; a pebbly drive; a small flower, bird or cat.
After morning tea (and on these days, cow’s milk), Di holds Rhea on the couch until she falls asleep and mum holds Lara. Di leaves when both girls are asleep in their cots and mum does the girls’ washing and some tidying up.
At noon on Wednesdays and Thursdays Heidi arrives. She gives the girls lunch according to my list and the leftovers in the fridge. She looks after them for the afternoon until I get home just before 6. Heidi knows about children’s development and has good judgement and time management skills. She is attuned to the girls’ needs and communications and she is both creative and playful with the girls while taking a professional approach to her work. All this and she has experience and excellent references looking after other toddler twins just like ours.
On Fridays Steve is on duty. I think Steve has the hardest job because he does it alone. He takes the girls to an art gallery most Fridays and does battle with two little runners who have their own (separate) ideas about what they want to do and where they want to go. Steve also has the girls alone for some time on the weekend. In this I have been influenced by someone I went to school with who also had twins.
-‘Saturday is daddy day. But it’s really mummy day to give me a break.’ What a good idea.
So Steve takes the girls out for two hours each weekend and I have some time to myself. I read and practise the piano – I am still clinging to my fortnightly piano lessons. Sometimes I pop out for a movie. These hours are precious and they refresh.
We have also maintained our outrageously decadent sleep ins on weekends, but now we take turns sleeping in until 11. Bed is still one of my favourite places.
Our final visitors in our weekly rhythm are uncle/godfather Marcus and dad, who also take the girls to the swing or read them stories. Dad and Marcus also love spending time with the twins.
The girls are very lucky to be so loved by so many people.
I am also very lucky to have so much support in looking after them. I just can’t imagine how relentless it would be to have none of this, as my mum had with us. Instead, we find life busy but manageably so and fulfilling, and I feel that I have a near-perfect balance of time for me, paid work and time with the girls, without any of the guilt I would feel if the girls weren’t care for so well by others.
Time for me, them, us and others. Everyone’s in a good rhythm in our little world.
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